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I can't fight this battle for you. :' ( [30 Apr 2008|02:08pm]

butifulblckrose
[ mood | apathetic ]

    

    I'm utterly tired of this mess. I'm at the point now where I know that shouldn't care if you live or die. I think you are, one of the most selfish people, I have ever known. I don't want to hear that you're going to kill yourself. This is not my problem. I cannot fix the way you feel, as you cannot fix me, and who I am. I cannot stop you from doing this. I cannot make you not want to die. All along you've been waiting to die, anyway. I do not want to call you in the morning anymore. I do not want the worry of you not waking up, on my head. I also don't want the worry of lil t finding you. 

      In 7 1/2 years I've been trying to have your back, when all along I think I've been trying to fight your battles. I can't make everything okay, because it's not. You know about my friends. You know why I act the way I act and think the way I think. You know that all my friends (actual friends, not made up characters that streamline as filler) are dead. You know that I can barely breathe about the whole fucking subject, yet you still are pulling the cards. I hate you for this. I really fucking do. I knew I better than this all along, but chose to give you insight and time in what I believe, and how things can be different. I'm so mad at you that I could squash a grape, asshole.
     I do not need you in my life. I find it easy to put the need away. I want you though. Maybe, not how you'd like me too. See day by day you stick the knife in and twist. Although I enjoy pain my dear, I'm becoming enlightened on what it's like, not to feel it much anymore. You have neglected everything for so long that I'm numb. I wait for the moment of anger. (Because, rage doesn't seem to exist here anymore.)

                                         Today, I've had enough.

      I'm really trying to be kind in explaining everything. I want you to tell me how you feel. Insight into ones inner most feelings are grand. I do not take advantage of it. (I'm not that girl.) Yet I can speak to you openly and I still feel as if you choose to hear what you want. You are coping horribly. I see it. I see you. I have this great power of acceptance. I also have been enlightened to the theory; Acceptance doesn't mean that I'm going to stand around and be tortured from afar. I walked out the door unwilling, but they were my feet. It's been many years in understanding that you want everything, but don't want to work for any of it.  I'm tired of everyone taking, but had to realize that I'm giving myself away too freely. I deserve more then what you’re giving. 
     Sometimes, you need to do things differently. This time around I'm going to do, what my gut tells me. Even though, my soul cries out for one person to care. I don't want someone to be “my everything”. I don't need to be “their everything”. I want to learn about me. I don't know what I like anymore, because living life with the basics seems so hard.  You have slammed me to the ground. You have stolen “my breathe”. I ache for more, but in the end, how could it even be with you? I have officially taken one more step back. You have still only felt a moment of my agony. I wish you didn't have to be here, I'm apathetic. I need to take my crappy life back. Step by step you're giving it to me, and it's not even what we want.

words.

[01 Dec 2007|09:54am]

darkfaery15
 Hey It's Dark Faery, 

Wings: December 1, 2007

Broken and alone
Nothing to catch me as I fall
Dancing in firelit horrors
Smile into the prancing light
Where the sweet devil lies
Soaking up 
The torn lullaby
of your daydream
burned to a pulp 
screaming in vain
when no one hears you 
cry out his name
I smile 
deep down inside 
you cry
knowing nothing is left 
for you here
cackling in the darkness
"here comes the sweet sacrifice"
clawing at the underground 
as your fingernails bleed
I can hear you screeching
desperate to be free
I cut off those wings
you so treasured
and left you there for dead
now you're filled with dread
you won't come back dear one
I made sure of that 
all you did was in vain
the train
has already left the station
leaving the dead behind
scattered and blind
bones rotting
disintigrating
As I watch the process fail
again.

- Dark Faery 15
 
words.

cage [25 Jul 2007|02:03pm]

darkfaery15

A black hole surrounds me
dark and hollow
I search
Feeling the cold wet bars
No sign of other life
I am alone
Wimpering in a cell I made my own
With blistering hands 
that wrap around my fate
destiny seems cold 
to leave me here
but destiny had no falt
I was the one who created these bars
A home I thought it would become
but instead I became my own worst enemy
now I must succumb.

words.

Chains [17 Nov 2006|04:35pm]

darkfaery15
A blank wall surrounds me in a distant nothingness 
As I scream out your name with these tear stained eyes 
Yet you don't remember me 
Though I love you still even though my happiness is a lie
From the day they let you die again
Making you forget me 
Until I earn your freedom again.

-Dark Faery 15
words.

[23 Apr 2006|07:19pm]

darkfaery15
[ mood | drained ]

cry I can no more
my eyes are dry from the love I bared for you
Now that you've hurt me
I have died
but that is okay
since it is for you
but you will follow soon
once you see what you have done
let the devil capture you and torture you
at the sight of me
let me see you die a thousand times more
so I can live on for you
as I laugh in the back ground
you can see it is just a pathetic mask
to hide my broken heart
because I still love you
The forbidden fruit born of my lungs
I feed upon your soul
carrying you in me
reviving you in secret
once they are all gone
hidden we stay
together we pray to the gods of the flame
so that we might stay here
In a haven of blood
as our children feast upon the human flesh
of the afterlife
so that our memory may live on
For in our hearts you will always stay
in immortal sanctuary
bleeding black heart sucked dry
holding my breath
until these lives we live may die
in this world they call earth
and go back home to the place they call hell
our home
together we will stay lost here
until we find home
where deep shadows lie
in our heaven
lands of lucifer
and here is where my heart will stay
beneath your vampire world of sweet decay
never rotting away from your delicious memory
of poisoned blood
running forever through my veins
just as it runs through yours
we sell ourselves to the devil
burying ourselves away
as our memories rot away
but forever will our love stay
beneath the burning rose
The Dark Rose
ancient and sacred as your heart
I carry close in mine
a treasure I will forever hold true
under a blossoming realm of runaway dreams.

By:Dark Faery 15

words.

I may seem cheery....look deeper you'll see the despair but I doubt you'd care! [13 Mar 2006|03:04pm]

darkfaery15
[ mood | blank ]

S.M.I.L.E.S

Your frown is what is really inside you
You don't let anyone see
Your face covers all the disgrace you hold
Beneath this imaginary world called reality
This takes a toll upon your life
Or so you call it
For you breathe not air but only lies
In which you must feed upon
...you depend on those lies
Not for your survival...
But for the deaths to come
Those deaths are what you caused
Unnecessary cause
A cause in which is proclaimed a crime
Crime committed... I die for you
But you don't notice this doing.

Dark Faery 15

words.

Misery... [02 Mar 2006|02:50pm]

darkfaery15
[ mood | depressed ]

Caught in a lie with nowhere to hide
I sink beneath this pain
I bear for you
In my heart you will always be
No matter how much you make it bleed
It is supposed to be this way
Please don't cry I beg
But I see you in my dreams wasted and alone
Shedding underneath the ivory moon
Piercing sweet night
Take a bite into my core
Willing I hold this crystal at my palm
Caturing all the souls from your nightmare
That beholds the darkness foretold
In your spirit
Spirit you are no more
But only the angel to bring the deaths of majestic blood
upon the sold
Your followers of the Gate to Hell
I watch without sorrow playing on my face
Malice is clearly written upon your face
Your true self before me is displayed
The only one I have ever truely known
And still for all the times
You've killed and shed the blood of a thousand lies
I still love you
The beholder of all of this
Your creation I do take part of
Even though you try your best to ward me away
I cast away all my dreams of yesterday
And happily follow you into the world of malice and decay
I will soon rot away with you at my door
You do not wish me to stay
But soon it will be too late
I'll already be beside you
Free from the happy little innoscence
I bore only just a few years ago
This darkness taking its toll
Will forever be apart of me
Though you try to take it away
From me thinking I can still be saved
But you believe in only a lie
For secretly before I met with you once more
I sold myself to the Devil for you
I bid goodbye to this world
Leaving this realm to go back home
Beneath the night my only sanctuary now.

1 spat their| words.

Knives...and a wedding of the undead [26 Feb 2006|03:59pm]

darkfaery15
[ mood | but calm ]

sliting throats
runaway dreams of a long ago spring
nightmares take the place of my afterlife
i can no longer breathe this air that consumes me
dark embrace a blanket of cold ice
screaming out from the inside
my soul is perched on the windowsill of your wish
for my eternal goodbye
when all i wanted to give you was my love
but now i cry a black dove
with these crystal tears
mirroring the lake of destiny that was tricked by fate
now lost beneath an emoty lullaby
i can no longer sleep in my peaceful suicide
for another has come to save me from myself
and they won't let me go
their love has entangled me
taking me away momentarilly
or so i thought
but my true self has returned in despair
hopelessly i try to rid her away of this hellish body
my home the night
is no help to me
it only encourages the darkness trapped inside
all i can do is to give in
swallowing me whole
the angels have all fallen
the devils slaves have set a royal of blood before my feet
in the traces of familiarity
i have found hell my eternal home
at the invitation of the knife
entangling me within all the lies
i have ever lived for not even
no not even the lover can take away the true dark in me
killing me internally
i do bleed
but there's nothing you can do
i am already dead as you can see
there is no use in trying to save me
but still you follow
until the only choice is to fall down with me into the realm of the flames
now our home
with father of chaos Lucifer
and merciful mother moon of the night
my dark black veil stretching across the skies
in suicidal alibi
we stay together forever
and say goodbye to this world of human disgrace
black roses are my bouquet
with a single red rose of blood upon your breast
we are wed in our everlasting haven
in the land of the undead...

By: DarkFaery15 Sorry it was so long once I get going I can't stop until I feel I am finished.

words.

[26 Feb 2006|10:37am]

darkfaery15
[ mood | pissed off ]

the last strand falls
a strand of thread from the stars
reflecting beneath your delicate eyes
the death of my past life
as flame arises to greet my end
I look up at you only to see you grin
full of malice and hunger for the death of my sins
all you ever wanted was to see me suffer
and I thought it true when you once spoke the words
I Love You
so sweetly in my ear
but your gentle embrace was only a mask
to hide the bitterness underneath
so I bid you goodbye
all the while hopeing some day
you'll rot in decay
just like you left me that night
i gave you my heart eternal now frayed
with the blood stained from your filthy core

words.

liar, liar [13 Jul 2004|05:18pm]

authorunknown17
please, just, lie to me once more
tell me what i want to hear
you're so good at pretending
whisper to me and tell me all your secrets
that everyone knows
aren't anything near what is real
please, don't stop
keep going with the shameful acts
i never said a word and you know it
in fact, i said two
but to no one in particular
so, don't worry
go on, don't stop
tell me again
it doesn't get old
except for when i'm sick of the lies
but do it anyway
that's all you need to do
is pretend to be something you're not
because then we're equal
words.

love death [13 Jul 2004|02:33pm]

authorunknown17
the romance will never come.
still pushing on that chance
but it never comes...
love is unreal
reality is surreal
mix them together
and you get fantasy
so envelope yourself
in a daydream
order yourself a dozen roses
and hold yourself
because no one else will
and write yourself that love letter
that you so truly deserve
and sign it in blood
because that's the only way
to make the pain stop.
words.

how to love [13 Jul 2004|12:56pm]

authorunknown17
and you will never know just how much you mean to me. you'll never know how many countless hours i've spent thinking of you, how many sleepless nights that resulted from it. you'll never know how many times I got high, trying to forget about you and erase everything that went on between us. you'll never know just how much i loved you, how highly i thought of you. you'll never know just how much the thought of you not loving me broke me. you'll never know how many things i've had to throw away, or break, or burn, because they remind me too much of you and that hurts. you'll never know what it all meant to me. and you'll probably never notice me ever again. i don't get it.... you'll never know that i feel dead inside. you'll never realize how badly you led me on, how badly you still do. the things i've done... for you, with you, because of you... you'll never know how it feels. because i don't think you know how to love. but let me tell you this... it hurts. it really fucking hurts.
words.

Cinderella [05 Jul 2004|09:38pm]

authorunknown17
porcelian tears
so pretty in their encasement
let them fall and
soak the ground
so tragic, it is
that your favorite dollie broke
so odd, it was
when your daddy spoke
daddy's a man of few words
but he said he'd fix it

wipe your eyes
on your skin
so disasterous, it seems
that your favorite lace gloves ripped
so expected, of course
that step-mommy flipped
step-mommy says harsh, spiteful words
and she said she wouldn't sew them

a present when you wake up
a broken dollie
in an old shoebox...
daddy died in his sleep
and you have to sweep the fireplace
Oh, Cinderella...
I hope you realize the fire's still going
words.

The Angel From My Nightmare [02 Jul 2004|02:58pm]

authorunknown17
Crystal tears from angels above
Fall on us
On our last day here on earth.
And as comets soar down,
We embrace each other
And in the dust, midday grows darker,
The angel's wings attracting the
Lack of color dripping from above
And with the weight of the debris,
They fall.
Yet with you, I continue to soar
Even as we are tied down
By the promises of kisses and
Desperate last words...
("I love you.")
words.

admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery... [28 Jun 2004|08:29pm]

authorunknown17
6 months and
1,273 teardrops later,
I still can't forget you.
I still can't get you off of my mind.
...why can't you just admit it already?
That you feel the same
That you want me,
that you want me, too.
You've admitted it in every. way. - except for saying it aloud.
Nothing else is as hard to you as talking,
(at least about things like this)
at least that's the way it seems.
Why can't you just get it over with?
Just say it already and I'll leave. you. alone.
If that's what you want
I'll do it, I swear
Just admit that something happened
Admit that you felt all this,
That you felt anything at all.
And then, admit
That you still feel. this. way.
Because I'm sick of being lied to.
Because I'm sick of being lead on.
Because I need this more than you can imagine.
(I've always been one to just sit back and take it.
This time I can't do that.
But you're not here... and I can't tell you.)
2 spat theirs| words.

Unworthy [28 Jun 2004|08:11pm]

authorunknown17
So, what is it?
What is it that
makes me
so
Unworthy?
Not even good enough
For my own
flesh and blood...
So why would I think that I was ever
Good enough
for
You?
(I'm not.)
(Apparently.)
But,
Why not?
What is it
That
makes me
so
Resistable?
so
Much fun to
lead on?
What makes me so...
so
Unworthy?
(In the end, is it...
is it worth
all this?)
words.

while the sky cries... [25 Jun 2004|09:11pm]

authorunknown17
And the blood glistens
Like a diamond in the night sky,
Crimson tears on skin so white.

And the talker listens
To silent screams
And words so seemingly right.

And the blind see clearly
What is the truth, and what is not,
Still unwilling to stand up and fight.

And the feelers go numb
As the frost overrides their veins,
Turning black when they were once so bright.

And the touchers freeze
The chill of hatred too much to handle,
Thinking of the wars lost and marking the site.

And love leaving becomes the haters
As they turn more lovely and dark,
The color of black now too light.

And shame takes over the fakers
As they mask theirselves one last time
In a bloody mess on this midsummer's night.

And the moon comes for a visit
Like a blade, throwing off reflections of black and red
As the bodies fall and the souls take flight.
words.

and the roses will wilt and die... [25 Jun 2004|09:01pm]

authorunknown17
And one day you
wake up
And the spark is gone.
There are no fireworks this time
When you kiss her
And she kisses you back.
There is no aroma
Of roses,
blooming,
As you kiss
in the garden.
The room doesn't
Tilt
And spin
When
You touch each other.
So don't
Come
Running
Back to me
When
You figure out
That
I know how
To make the earth
Spin.
words.

And all those things I never said... [06 Jun 2004|08:30pm]

authorunknown17
[ mood | gloomy ]

The graveyard reeks with the smell of silence
It coats my mouth like candy, but
This candy is poison...
Is this the end?
Is this where it all comes crashing down,
In our future?
This is where I shall be buried,
Will I be next to you when that time comes?
...I ask you all this
But you never hear a word of it
Because I never say it aloud.

words.

...or is this where it ends? [05 Jun 2004|05:59pm]

authorunknown17
This is so fucked up.
(I don't know what to do...)
I'm repeating myself; I'm rambling.
I'm speaking nonsense, yet never have I spoken of a greater truth.
It's all just too confusing,
Too much to handle.
I like you; you like me.
But you run back to her every. time.
And it just messes me up,
Just breaks my heart into shards, into
These millions of shattered pieces of hope.
I hope that it all works out in the end...
That it can be how it would be, should she not wanted you back again.
Because I can't stop these feelings from rushing on.
I try my hardest to suppress them, but
Every time I look into your eyes they come screaming back, but
Every time I think about it all, they
Multiply, and subtract, but
It just all adds on to my affection in the end.
Your touch still leaves goosebumps on my skin
Your taste still lingers upon my lips
(Your breath still warm on my skin...)
I don't know how to handle it all.
It drives me crazy.
You drive me crazy, you send me over the edge and bring me back again.
I feel like a yo-yo, with these impossible highs and lows,
The round-the worlds where everything gets thrown back to the beginning,
To how it started in the first place...
This is so fucked up.
words.

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